Intimacy & Connection: The Give and Receive Dance (Week Three)
Connection forms when two entities come together to a joining point.
There's a dance that occurs as intimacy is established between two parties. Generally you have a giver and a receiver. When the relationship is healthy, each person switches roles easily. This switching naturally ebbs and flows throughout the day, the weeks, the seasons and the years. This is a healthy balance.
When the relationship is out of balance and you have one person giving, giving, giving, and the other person is receiving, receiving, receiving this causes frustration. When you have two receivers, you're likely in a crisis, or you've got two people that are stuck in their own world. When you have two givers, there is generally a lack of direction in the relationship which can cause resentment that builds to a blowing point. This happens because of a lot of the ‘yeses’ that are said, are actually not intentional or authentic.
This imbalance starts to show itself when the individual is not balanced in their own personal solo-dance of being able give, while receiving support other people. This is the part of them that can bless others and has the ability to see the big picture. This inner being is able to shift to their vulnerable state that has desires and asks for what it needs from the world and others.
As we learn more about the human condition and the brain, we find that we're usually wired predominantly to sit on one side or the other. We are designed this way, but it’s important to know we also learned how to do connection in our world as we grew up influenced by the people and environment around us. There are many combinations of parent, sibling, cultural and societal relationships that contribute to that outcome for us.
When we recognize this and do the “work” around this issue, we can discover how our wounds and our our calling may be out of balance. This helps us to use our intention to dance with ourselves and others, in and out of these different spaces of giving and receiving. With the right heart we can surrender and receive. This also allows us to be able to dance in relationships where we feel safe enough to invite others in into intimacy with us by receiving. We then can provide support to others who desperately want or need it.
So, how do we ask for our emotional and physical needs to be met?
Realizing we have a want allows us to join people in the relationship by asking them to bring what they possess. It’s a vulnerable state in which we have to position ourselves in the best way to receive.
First we have to realize we have a want. We invite intimacy when we have an ask. Intimacy is to know and to be known.
We may ask someone to: listen, give input, advice, validation, or encourage or provide comfort. We may ask someone to hold us or to sit with us when we are sad. The important piece here is that you recognize the “ask”, and then ask in a clear way, for example: “I feel sad today, do you have a few minutes to hear my story?”
And remember, God uses our pain for good. Receiving comfort brings us back to intimacy with Him. You may have to schedule time for this in your schedule. We can turn to God. He gave us our humanity and our connection to others— to be HIS body in this world. We are his true human form.
Think about this: How many times have we asked God for something and it was manifested to us in our relationships via the people in our lives? This is a confirmation that He has heard your ask!
When we are blocked from receiving support from others, then we are blocked from receiving support from God!
Regardless of our wounds we must know He is more divine. More faithful. More merciful. More understanding than we could ever imagine. Our modern day views have skewed this away from us. We have been shielded from the Truth.
You.Are.Worthy. Period. Can you see how this connects? You are enough. You can HAVE and you can GIVE. Receive this Truth from God as you are his body.
Scripture
Matthew 7:7 Ask, seek and knock in order to receive, find and have the door open
Matthew 10:8 freely you have received, freely give. We can’t give forgiveness or love unless we receive God’s
Matthew 5:6 Hunger and thirst for righteousness and it will be ours
2 Peter 1:31 says He’s given all that we need. Then why don’t we live like it? Bc we don’t receive it
John 4:14 says if we drink the water He gives, we won’t thirst. When do I thirst? When I don’t receive.
Written by Jessica Jeans & Linda TonnesenEdited by Amanda Jeans
Growth Groups 2020