Emotion 5: Bad (Shame or Guilt)
“BAD” refers to Shame AND Guilt
Shame
Shame is the awareness of threat to separation from love. Fear of being unloveable. Shame needs acceptance or you could say, validation. Try telling yourself, “You are enough”. You are doing enough, trying enough, beautiful enough, loveable enough. Just enough. No matter what you have done. God literally says so. But why do we question it? Because Satan grabs onto relational pains we’ve endured and breathes the lies around these messages into our ears. If we don’t heal from those and replace them with truth—we will grow in our “lostness” like a snowball rolling down a mountain.
Shame is not an actually feeling—its a belief system. Yes, this “sense of emotion” is really connected to all of the actual feelings which have a chemical response. Shame however, is sort of the “wild card” as it can set off any of the feelings to keep the sense of love. Love is at the core of all motivation
For example, If I notice I’m naked in front of a crowd, my shame will kick on “fight or flight” to help me dissociate from the embarrassing situation. To not have to feel how unacceptable I am in that moment. If I am four yrs old and I like to sing loudly wherever I go, shame will come and teach me that that can go on through my entire adulthood. It helps us know when we need to make an adjustment in order to keep connection (which feels like love). Shame can turn on jealousy (grief or anger). They all intertwine with fear. Just hear what Brene Brown has to say in her research (which changed the way she loved, work and parent).
Shame is referred to in the story of Moses with a veil over his face (2 Cor. 3:18) and the veil is lifted with Christ. We don’t need to fear man or the failure to meet the law any longer. Where the spirit of the Lord is there is freedom. Also discussed in Psalms 40:12...we fear looking up to Him when we feel overwhelmed.
Scripture
Romans 8:38-39
For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, 39 neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.
“For God did not send his Son into the world to condemn the world, but in order that the world might be saved through him.” This means God did not intend to send his son to SHAME us. He sent him to SAVE us. He is not going to wag his finger and put us in a corner. In fact, the opposite is true: he will take us into his arms and remind us that we are saved simply by having faith in Him.
2 Cor. 3:18
And we all, with unveiled face, beholding the glory of the Lord, are being transformed into the same image from one degree of glory to another. ... And the Lord--who is the Spirit--makes us more and more like him as we are changed into his glorious image."Shame is intended to dim our inner fire, our inner selves. It keeps us from shining through to the world. But—we are good—no matter what we do. We just are!
Guilt
When we feel guilt, we are in the “bad” category. Its mad at self. Recognition that we have “done wrong” as opposed to shame which says, “I am not enough”. Guilt needs forgiveness. It’s that simple. To give it to self, ask it from others and ultimately to receive forgiveness from others and God. That forgiveness is like a well that never runs dry. If you fear that you will take advantage of that and “walk on God’s grace”, you probably don’t struggle with that. We aren’t that powerful! Habits form from strongholds, but when we confess, we begin to let the Holy Spirit do HIS work (ONLY HE CAN) in us—and the freedom follows as we receive forgiveness.
We are valid and acceptable. That’s the need behind shame....to review our value
We get a conviction, we confess and we review our value which purifies our heart. This makes us happy. Happy are the pure in heart.
Matthew 8 talks about the beatitudes. "Blessed are the pure in heart: for they shall see God”.
If we can receive acceptance, ultimately we know we are loveable. Connection feels like love.
Authored by Jessica Jeans
Content inspired by Linda Tonnesen and Carl Barry, founder of Shadow Work.
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