Two Are Better Than One
Trying to do life alone is basically the same thing as attempting to assemble an Ikea bedroom suite without the instructions. Despite that the instructions are probably written in Swedish, without those little assembly instruction photos, one would have to have supernatural abilities to know which screws went where.
We were designed for community. We were never meant to do this life alone.
“A cord of three strands is not quickly broken” Ec. 3:12
As iron sharpens iron, so one person sharpens another. - Proverbs 27:17
For where two or three are gathered in my name, there am I with them. - Matthew 18:20
Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their labor: If either of them falls down, one can help the other up. But pity anyone who falls and has no one to help them up. Also, if two lie down together, they will keep warm. But how can one keep warm alone? Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves. A cord of three strands is not quickly broken. - Ecclesiastes 4:9-12
So, if we are designed to do life with others, why do so many of us try to do it all by ourselves? I personally think there are a plethora of reasons people tend to rely on themselves, rather than reach out, especially in times of need. From my own personal experience, and what I’ve witnessed around me, people are afraid.
What if they say no?
I don’t want to inconvenience them.
I can’t bear the thought of being vulnerable and putting myself out there only to be rejected.
People struggle with pride.
I don’t need anyone else. I can do this on my own.
Other people don’t get me, they won’t understand the right way to do things.
People are mad.
Last time I asked, I was totally let down. This is why I can’t trust people.
Everyone else around me seems to have support; apparently I was dealt an unlucky set of cards in this life. It’s not fair.
Can you relate to any of these? The goal is not to heap shame, rather highlight the very real human emotions that come into play that prevent us from reaching out to others. God designed us to do life with others, yet one of the Enemy’s number one schemes is to trick us into believing life is better off lived alone. When we believe these lies, we successfully isolate ourselves. We think we are self-protecting by not having to risk the hurt of rejection or being let down, but in reality we are slowly building a fortress that only has room for one.
Let’s first address the topic of fear.
What can mere mortals do to me? In God, whose word I praise, in God I trust; I shall not be afraid. - Psalm 56:4
It makes sense. The fear of being told no, ignored or glossed over is a very real thing. And it can be hard to move past. But should one (or several) bad experiences dictate the rest of your life? What if, by going out on a risk, you end up finding the best set of friends you could have ever hoped or dreamed for?
Think about a baby learning to walk. How many times do they fall down before they successfully take many consecutive steps in a row? (Spoiler alert: a lot.) What if, during this stage, we all gave into our fears of falling on our faces and we just decided to stop trying? Would the world be filled with crawling adults? (This is quite the picture to imagine).
In order to move past fear, we must be willing to take risks. We must be willing to think about what this fear is costing us and determine that it’s worth it enough to try again. We have to get to the point where the fear is costing us more than the risk of what could happen if we reach out again, knowing that doing life with other people is far better than going it alone.
Pride
When pride comes, then comes disgrace, but with humility comes wisdom. - Proverbs 11:2
Pride goes before destruction, a haughty spirit before a fall. - Proverbs 16:18
Pride is universal to all people. It is a process throughout our lives in which we willingly move out of this self-serving space and humble ourselves before others. Someone who is secure and confident in themself doesn’t need others to know about their success. They don’t need to be praised and talked about in front of other people. They don’t believe that they have all the answers and can do it all on their own. They know with rested assurance that they are just like anyone else, no better or no less. And through that security they are able to recognize when they can’t do it all, and humbly reach out to someone around them.
If pride is keeping you from community, first of all, you’re not alone. Second of all, you don’t have to stay here. Before you are inevitably served a big slice of humble pie, instead confess it. Lay it down. Ask the Lord to take it from you, trusting that what He has in store for you is so much better than anything you could possibly conjure up.
Last but not least, anger
Mad. Annoyed. Frustrated. Ticked off. Whatever you want to call it, the underlying emotion is anger. As you may know, anger comes when we feel stuck and/or violated. We might have every reason in the world to be mad. In fact, being mad isn’t wrong. It is healthy to feel it and express it. It’s often the emotion we need in order to make a change in our lives, since apparently what’s currently happening is no longer working for us. When we are stuck, we have to try a new approach. It’s what we do in our anger that makes it wrong.
Just because you’re mad, it doesn’t give you the right to go kick a cat (even if you hate cats), punch a hole in someone’s property or scream profanities in someone’s face. These actions will never be justified. While anger is a normal and expected response to many situations, it can be vented out in a healthy way and moved past by getting change.
If anger is keeping you from community, there is a good chance you’re still holding onto something from the past. You may have been wrongfully violated, but who are you punishing by continuing to hold onto it? (Spoiler: only yourself.) That other person has moved on, and might not even care at this point. Your inability to let it go is keeping you and you alone rooted to the Spot.
The anecdote? Forgiveness. Surrender. Laying it at the feet of Jesus, trusting that He will do the rest. Forgiveness brings freedom to your soul. Don’t believe me? Give it a try, I dare ya. Go see for yourself the space that will open up inside you. There’s a good chance, if you’ve been carrying resentfulness for some time, that it is even affecting you on a physical level. Our bodies are so very entwined with our minds, directly carrying the weight of our emotional pain. (insert: lots of super great studies about this that you can google on the internet.)
TWO ARE BETTER THAN ONE
After you move past this step, there’s a pretty solid chance you form relationships with people who, at some point may in fact offend you, but the benefit of their friendship far outweighs the negatives that inevitably come with human connection.
If, in the end, you would still prefer the directionless Ikea assembly, it is okay. I see you. You just might not be there yet.
The risk may feel too great. But once it is, I challenge you to go for it.
Step out of your comfort zone, and see for yourself the richness that accompanies life with others. People who get you, who see you, who understand you. People who validate your very real human emotions, who are there for you when you’re needing to vent, who bring you a meal when you have a sick kid, who would drop everything in the world to come to your aid should you need them.
Remember, two are better than one...if either of them falls down, one can help the other up.