Emotion 2: Mad
Mad
Mad comes when we feel violated and/or stuck. Synonyms: angry, ticked off, irritated, annoyed, disturbed, etc.
What Mad Needs: to vent (get it out) and then change.
If we keep anger pent up inside, it will eventually erupt. In addition to that, it will block us from feeling other necessary emotions. In order to be fully in touch with your full range of emotions, you must be healthily in touch with your anger. When we sit with our anger unaddressed, we will quickly become stuck. The only way to get un-stuck, is to face our anger head on.
When you experience anger, it must be vented out.
“Let me be free to express my anguish. Let me be free to speak out of the bitterness of my soul.”
This can be done by calling a safe person and saying, “Can I vent for a few minutes? I don’t want advice, I just want to get it out. I need to be heard and seen.” The goal is for your venting to not turn into gossip, so it doesn’t need to be repeated over and over. But it should come out in some way.
Another way to vent your anger is to do something physical. Simply going for a run and feeling your feet hit the pavement can let it out. If you have a punching bag, go to town! You could also let out a guttural growl. If this makes you feel vulnerable or silly, do it in a room by yourself so you feel safe. You will be incredibly surprised at how invigorating it feels once you finally let it out. You will also feel weight lifted off your shoulders and more room in your lungs to breathe. Ultimately, we can get our venting needs met by crying out to the Lord. He can handle it, and he cares.
Scripture
Matthew 5:38-40
You have heard that it was said, ‘Eye for eye, and tooth for tooth.’ But I tell you, do not resist an evil person. If anyone slaps you on the right cheek, turn to them the other cheek also. And if anyone wants to sue you and take your shirt, hand over your coat as well.
1 Peter 3:5
Righteous anger doesn’t refrain from self-control, rather it tries to speak the truth in love. Although we are called to speak the truth, we are to do so in gentleness and respect.
James 1:19
Understand this, my dear brothers and sisters: You must all be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to get angry.
Ephesians 4:26
In your anger do not sin: Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry.
Once your anger is vented, it needs change. Obviously, what was happening to induce the anger is no longer working for you. Seek ways to change. Is it your environment? Perhaps you need to change your behaviors. If it’s someone else’s behaviors, there might be a need for boundaries in that relationship. Spend time in prayer, asking God for the change you need.
Most prominently, God shows righteous anger whenever his people stray after idols and pursue paths of wickedness. This shows that even God feels/has felt violated. When we are violated, we get angry.
Instead of letting anger control you, use it as a cue. Your anger can be a red flag to get the change that you need (ie: self-defense, an important battle, confronting in love). We first “clean the anger” by venting it out. We should express frustration, or even agitation, sooner than later to avoid sitting on it. This will help prevent resentment and eventual passive aggression or rage.
Our wounds around anger (ugly anger we’ve experienced from others) may also lead us to be explosive or avoidant with our own. Later in this series we will discuss how those traumatic experiences lead us to believe our anger is not safe, valid, or controllable.
We can be rightfully angry, and still choose not to do wrong to others. Although it may feel like a dauntingly impossible feat, through the power of the Holy Spirit it can be done (Romans 8:11). We are to seek justice and love mercy, while walking humbly with God (Micah 6:6,8).
In order to accomplish this, we have to spend time with God! Not to add more to your probable laundry list of never-ending to-do’s, however, without spending time in His presence, how will we expect to access that power of the Holy Spirit?
The more time we spend with God, the more we will recognize just how much grace God has extended to us. The more we recognize this and allow it to permeate every facet of our beings, the more readily we will be able to extend this grace to others. In conjunction with this, it will be harder for us to harbor anger and resentment against others.
Scripture
1 Kings 11:9
The Lord became angry with Solomon because his heart had turned away from the Lord, the God of Israel, who had appeared to him twice.
Nehemiah 5:6
“When I heard their outcry and these charges [abuse against the poor], I was very angry.”
Matthew 18:21&22
Then Peter came to Jesus and asked, “Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother or sister who sins against me? Up to seven times?”
Jesus answered, “I tell you, not seven times, but seventy-seven times.
Ephesians 6:12
For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms.
Avoiding resentment is key. If not, we are sure to get stuck in our anger. When we are stuck, we will fall into the vicious cycle of believing lies which can eventually turn into a stronghold. These strongholds can manifest as: depression, resentment, anxiety, mania and insecurity.
If you are experiencing righteous anger with someone, consider speaking truth to them in love. It is important to target the behavior, not the person. The person is not the real enemy here.
So, to summarize, rest assured that your anger is most likely valid. You are not wrong for feeling the way you feel, nor are you a bad person.
When you feel angry, recognize it. Feel it. Vent it. Get the change that you need. Finally, surrender it to God.
Authored by Jessica Jeans & Lauren Preusz
Content inspired by Linda Tonnesen and Carl Barry, founder of Shadow Work.
© Copyright 2022 Guided by Grace LLC